Ciska's Long List of Life Lessons/Advice

Here is a long list of important life lessons that I have learned throughout my life. This list includes advice for other people and it includes little reminders of how you should live your life. This list will help you treat other people better than you usually do or would have done in the past. I hope this list will help you live a happier life and help you stop, think, and then speak. I hope this list will help you learn to take a more positive outlook on life and learn from your own mistakes.

This list will not end. I will continue adding to it until I die one day. At least that is my goal. Enjoy :)

This list does not take into account other factors such as people with mental disorders. This is more for general advice and life lessons that I have learned so far. I will be fixing it up and adding to it as I go.

This list counts for anyone. It is not limited to a specific person.

1. Do not spread lies and rumours about someone else. There are no exceptions.

-There is a difference between saying facts or truthful information about a specific person and just simply saying things that are false. This is especially true if it is someone you do not know.

-It does not matter what your intentions are or the reason behind your lies/rumours. There are no exceptions. Learn to get out of the habit.

2. Do not lie to someone when you are in a relationship with them. Honesty really is the best policy guys.

-That person has chosen to put their trust in you. (I'd rather be told the truth even if it hurt me than be told a lie just to protect my feelings.)

-Sometimes being told the truth about something or a particular situation can hurt the other person's feelings but it is always better to be upfront with the person instead of hiding something. This helps to avoid future misunderstandings and increases the strength of your relationship.

-When person A starts to sense that person B is hiding things from them or not telling them the full truth it can create paranoia, fear, mistrusting feelings, uncertainty, confusion, the feeling that something is wrong, loss of stability, and so forth. Hiding things create hurt feelings. The trust starts to fall apart if both parties cannot be honest. Thus the relationship starts to fall apart.

-This line of advice is extremely crucial when it comes to arguments/misunderstandings about other people outside of the relationship.

Ex: If person A did not tell person B that he was hanging out with a girl and goes out of his way to hide it then that is a big problem for the relationship. If you are going to see other people behind that person's back and hide it from them then you really should not be in that relationship (Or any relationship for that matter of fact).

-It is best to be honest about other people that you are spending time with outside of the relationship. Be honest with your partner and if you cannot respect your partner's boundaries then you once again probably should not be wasting your significant other's time. It goes both ways.

-If you start to lose feelings for the person that you are with then discuss it with them! Do not cheat on them or leave them. See if you can figure out those feelings together first and then if you really do not feel the same anymore do not lead them on. Let them go so that they can find their true person. See if you can find solutions first before breaking off the relationship. Be honest about how you really feel.

3. Apologize when you are in the wrong! It might be embarrassing, you might not want to apologize but suck it up, and do it. It is really important.

-Anyone can say sorry but not everyone means it. If you cannot learn to be humble then you will never grow as a person. If you cannot learn to be humble you will not have a lot of meaningful friendships or relationships with other people. You will not have deep friendships and by this, I mean real, raw, deep friendships that are incredibly rare nowadays. (Man, I really hope God gives me a deep friendship to treasure. It is truly an amazing thing to have in this world. Those friendships are strong.) If you cannot genuinely acknowledge your own mistakes and apologize for them, then you cannot learn to grow or be mature.

-Apologizing when you are wrong about something not only helps you feel free from burden but also releases the burden off of the person that you hurt.

-Apologizing allows you to say, "Hey, I was really wrong when I did that. I was really wrong when I said that. I hurt that person. I hurt myself because now I have potentially ruined a good friendship that I had going." Apologizing allows you to acknowledge your mistakes so that you can make a better choice next time. It allows you to ask for a second chance from the person you may have hurt.

-Apologizing is good for the other person to hear but it is also good for your soul and your insides. It sounds dumb and maybe cheesy but it's true. When you apologize to someone you choose to acknowledge your mistakes. You choose to own up to them and take responsibility for them.

-Apologizing shows that you have courage. It takes courage to admit that you were wrong about something that you did or said. If you cannot learn to apologize then you have no courage. As simple as that.

4. Never blame anyone for your own actions. There are no "buts," there are absolutely no exceptions. DO NOT DO IT.

-If you choose to blame someone for your own actions then why are you even talking to that person? They do not deserve to be blamed for your own actions.

-You cannot put that burden onto someone else. Do not ever let anyone blame their actions on you. They have a choice to make. They can do something dumb and crappy but they do not get to blame it on you. You are not in control of that person's actions. Everyone is in control of their own actions.

-Own up to your own mistakes. Take accountability and responsibility for them. If you are not willing to own up to it in the first place then learn not to make that mistake. Learn not to do that action in the first place.

-If you choose not to change your behaviour, habits, actions, and so forth then do not drag someone else down with you. Do not drag someone with you just because you are too childish to accept the consequences of your own mistakes and actions.

-It is incredibly unfair to put the blame onto someone else just because you made a mistake. Learn to get out of the habit of doing so. If you truly want to improve yourself then learn to do better.

-You will not and cannot be in friendships or relationships with people that fall into the same bad habits of never owning up to their own actions. You cannot be with people that constantly find it a habit to blame you for their own actions. It will not work unless you want to stay blind. Not only will the friendship/relationship start falling apart but it is unhealthy for all parties involved. It is mentally unhealthy and emotionally unhealthy. In extreme cases, it can even lead to being physically unhealthy.

-People that push their actions onto you can manipulate you into thinking you are really the one at fault. Do not let anyone do this to you. Keep your eyes open and save yourself a lot of heartache and problems in the future. Stay true to yourself. You deserve it. Do not get misled. It can be hard but I believe in you.

5. Sending messages to someone pretending to be someone else.

-I think this is very self-explanatory. However, I will expand on a couple of thoughts about it.

-First of all, ask yourself, why you are pretending to be someone else?

-Second, what are your intentions in sending someone messages but pretending you are someone else? I doubt, that you have any good reasons for doing it.

-If you are doing it as a way to see if your boyfriend or girlfriend would cheat on you then I fully support that. You would be surprised to see how many people in relationships cheat on others by texting someone else. It sounds bad for me to say that but it is the brutal truth. I want to be clear by saying that you should not have the urge to do that if you fully trust your partner/significant other. However, in some cases, it is a helpful thing to do if you feel that your partner has been hiding something from you. Remember to first communicate with them before you decide to pretend to be someone else to see if they are going to cheat on you. If communication fails and you really feel as though your partner has been disconnected then maybe it would be something to consider doing.

-If anyone feels as though this is still morally wrong feel free to leave a comment down below.

-Any other reasons are not acceptable. You do not pretend to be someone else when you message someone. Not only is it wrong but it is dishonest. It can also be dangerous. A great example of this would be dating apps. I will add this as a topic of discussion in the future and elaborate.

6. People will never fully make you happy.

-This is another brutal truth. Human beings crave connection and we are beings that want to connect with one another. Here comes the "but".

-Human beings are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone loses their temper every once in a while. No one and nothing is perfect. Meaning that someone will always upset you in one way or another.

-It is important to connect with someone and to love others but you should not make that your whole world/life. There is a balance that is needed in order for you to be happy. A human being alone will never fully make you happy 24/7. It is just how it works. We are imperfect and flawed beings that make mistakes. We have emotions, feelings, different personalities, opinions, different cultural backgrounds, childhood differences, and so on.

-Do not take this information in a negative way because there is nothing wrong with being imperfect and having flaws. The fact is that no person will make you happy all the time. There is bound to be something that happens or that is said that will upset you. This does not mean that there's anything wrong with you or that person. It is just the human condition. Everyone does it. It's perfectly okay!

-Balance your life with other things that make you happy too. Your career, hobbies, skills, dreams, goals, sports, whatever it may be. Balance it. Do not live your life to please someone all the time because it is impossible. No one can please everyone all the time. Learn to balance it <3

-Another point I want to discuss is the fact that human beings are created to love and connect with other people. It is natural for us to want those connections. However, the human being also yearns for something much deeper. The soul is one of the most important things that human beings have the need to fulfill whether they want to accept it or not. Do you ever wonder why you aren't fully happy with all the materialistic things that you have? Your soul is not fulfilled by materialistic things. The world will never fully fulfill that empty void you feel even though you think you have everything you could possibly want. Your soul yearns for something more. From the spiritual aspect, the soul yearns for the connection with God and only that will truly make you happy in the end. <3

7. Everyone makes mistakes. Do not throw someone away just because they made one mistake. Forgive them.

-There is a difference between someone making the same mistake 100 times over instead of just making one specific mistake. Let me explain this in a more clear way.

-If someone makes the same mistake over and over and over again then there is a chance that, that person will not break their habit or pattern unless they really wanted to. Do not spend time with people that make mistakes over and over and over again when it is clear that they aren't willing to do any better. You still need to forgive them but learn their patterns, learn their habits that they are not willing to change. There comes a point where you can no longer be in that friendship/relationship if the person continues to lie to you or hurt you through their mistakes. It is a different story if they have a kind of mental disorder where they cannot control their actions but if someone is doing it intentionally even though they have the ability not to do it again then it is not worth it for you to feel that pain each time. Forgive them and walk away. Easier said than done sometimes but you can do it. It is not worth it for you to be in pain if they choose not to change.

-The second part of this tip is that if someone lies to you or makes a mistake then learn to forgive them. Just because someone makes a mistake does not mean that you should just throw them away right then and there. It can depend on many different factors but it is better to give that person a second chance than to just discard them. Remember that you probably made a mistake at one point in your life too. Try to give others the benefit of the doubt until you no longer can such as in the example above. Try to put yourself in their shoes before throwing them away like they did not mean anything to you. Learn forgiveness.

8. Just because someone says something does not mean that it is the truth.

-If person A starts talking badly about person B behind their back, first learn to think for yourself. Ask yourself, do you really know this person well? Do you have any reason to believe these negative words that person A is saying about person B. If the answer is no then you have no right to judge that person. Either way you should not judge them anyway but just because person A says these things about person B, it does not mean that there is any truth behind it.

-Do not join in the conversation and add things to what Person A is saying. You are no better than person A if you choose to do so.

-Go to the source. Go talk to person B and ask for their side of the story before you decide they are your "enemy" or that they are a "bad" person. There is always more than one side of the story. Do not pick sides. It is unfair. You do not get to automatically side with person A if you do not even know the full story. For all you know, person A could be the "bad" person for spreading such words and stories about person B. You never know.

-Another question you must ask yourself is, is it even any of my business to get involved or to agree and join in? If the answer is no then go on your way or defend person B and move on. Tell person A that it is not okay for them to be saying what they are saying about person B. In most cases, it is not any of your business anyway. Do not get involved in other people's drama or business.

-In general, if someone says anything, it does not always guarantee they are speaking the truth. Listen to their words carefully and then decide whether you think they speak the truth or not. Learn to think for yourself first before you decide to go along with what other people say.

9. If you are going to call someone a hypocrite make sure that you are not one yourself. (This includes any other accusations you make of a person.)

-It is easy to accuse people of something left and right. However, before you choose to make accusations of what someone is or is not make sure that you are not a hypocrite yourself. Make sure that you are not what you call other people to be. This advice counts for any kind of accusation. Examples: Racism, homophobia, hypocrisy, being a liar, obsessive, possessive, being called a cheater, being a thief, having privilege, being called oppressed, and any other possible accusation you can think of.

-The second thing you need to do is ask yourself two questions. Is there any truth in your words? Or, are you saying it for another reason?

-Do not use a word or phrase and accuse someone of something if you do not even know the actual meaning of the words of which you speak. People fling around words willy-nilly and think that they are all of a sudden superior to that person or that they are now better than that person. This is not true. If you do not even understand the definition of the word or phrase that you use against someone else then why are you even talking? You are creating a problem for no reason.

-Use your words wisely. Your words will come back at you. I cannot stress this enough. Let me say this again. Use. Your. Words. Wisely. They. Will. Come. Back. At. You.

-Get your facts straight before you open your mouth to speak.

-Remember you are no better than what you call someone else. By this, I mean that if you are going to accuse someone falsely then you might as well be what you accused the other person to be. Take a look at your own actions and your own self before you use your mouth as a weapon.

10. Do not use anyone for your own benefit. Do not use anyone period.

-This is self-explanatory. There are no exceptions. Do not do it. It's that simple.

11. No one can solve your problems for you.

-If you have problems in your life that you have difficulty solving and you need extra support then that is perfectly okay! What is not okay is expecting other people to take away your problems and solve them for you. It is YOUR job to learn and solve them. It is NOT the other person's responsibility to fix your problems for you or to make them disappear. Asking for guidance and asking for support is perfectly okay but you cannot expect someone else to solve them for you. It does not work that way in life.

-If you expect someone to solve all your problems then all you are doing is burdening the person that loves you and that is trying to support you. Guys, listen, you can hold the door open for someone but you CANNOT make them go through the door. You can guide them and support them but you CANNOT make them take your advice. You CANNOT force someone to fix their problems if they are not even willing to try to do so on their own.

-It is not fair to take your burdens and push them onto someone else just so that you do not have to be responsible for your own decisions.

-YOU LEAD YOUR OWN LIFE.

-You make your own choices. You can choose to try or you can choose to give up. If you are not going to try to solve your own problems then you will never learn to grow and you will never learn to deal with problems that come along in the future. You cannot expect someone else to pick up your burdens and make them disappear for you. Someone can support you and help guide you but at a point, you need to lead the way. Your support system is not there to baby you and they are not there to hold your hand every time you stumble. You have to learn to solve your own problems.

-Let me be clear and say that I am not saying you should go through life alone and never share your problems with anyone. That is not what I am saying. It is perfectly okay to talk about your feelings, problems, struggles, and other things that you are going through. What I am saying is that only you lead your life. You make your own decisions. You have to be willing to deal with the consequences and learn from them. It makes you stronger inside. It is a learning curve and I strongly believe that no one should ever give up even if everything feels hopeless. There is always something you can do. There is always a solution even if it does not always feel like it.

12. Exclude people from your life that are dragging you down instead of building you up. Toxic people will not help you achieve.

-Pretty straightforward. If someone is dragging you down instead of challenging you and pushing you forward then you should probably take a minute to think about whether it is worth it to be in a relationship/friendship with that person.

-You deserve someone that is going to help you achieve. You deserve someone that is going to push you forward and help make you stronger. Someone that understands your boundaries and who respects you enough to never hold you back.

-You deserve someone that will listen to you and by this, I mean really listen to you in depth.

-Do not let anyone drag you down no matter how much you love them. You do not deserve to be dragged down.

-Do not let anyone drag you down to their level or their standards. Keep your high standards. Do not lower them for anyone. You will find the right person that has the same standards as you. Be patient. Your time will come love.

13. Do not let others diminish your worth.

-You know your worth. No one can take that away from you. Do not let people ruin your image of yourself. You know who you are as a person. If you do not know who you are yet then you have time to figure it out.

14. Do not jump into a relationship if you are not certain about it. Rushing leads to irrational decision-making.

-You do not need to rush yourself to be with someone especially if you are not certain about the person or the relationship. There is no one and nothing that can rush you with that decision.

-If you feel the need to rush into a relationship then you have your answer. The answer is, do not decide to be in that relationship.

-If you feel rushed by the other person then the answer is no again. If someone is going to rush you for an answer about being with them then you need to take a minute to think about what that person will be like once you are in a relationship with them. It is not a good sign if someone pressures you or rushes you to make a decision regarding being in a relationship.

-You have all the time in the world. It is not necessary to be in a relationship if you do not want to be or if you feel like you are not ready to be in one. Be honest with the person and tell them you are not ready.

-You are not responsible for how the person reacts after you tell them no. Do not let their emotions affect your decision. Be firm with your decision until you feel that you are ready.

-Rushing into a relationship can have bad consequences if you do not fully know the person yet. Sometimes people fall in love too quickly or their feelings are really fresh and they think that their relationship will last forever because of how strong their feelings are for one another. This is not always the case. If you want to be in a good relationship you will need more than feelings to make it last.

-Rushing into a relationship can ruin your mental health if you are not ready. It is bad to rush into a relationship if you have bad mental health in the first place. It is hard to keep a relationship healthy if you are not mentally okay yet to get back into the dating game or the relationship field. Work on yourself first before you go into a relationship.

-I know that people will still have bad mental health even if they are in a healthy relationship but that is completely normal. Everyone gets depressed and struggles with their head from time to time. What I am saying here is that if you have bad mental health going into the relationship and the other person does not support you the way you need it then it could make it worse. It is better to get to know the person fully first than to just jump into the relationship head first if you are not mentally ready yet.

15. You do not have to be friends with everyone.

-You do not have to fit in everywhere. You do not have to strive to be popular. You cannot make everyone like you. You cannot make everyone happy.

-It is better to have one or two real friends than 100 fake friends that are willing to leave you behind at any given moment in time.

-Popularity is not as important as people make it to be.

16. You cannot force anyone to change if they do not want to.

-Only they can change themselves if they choose to. They have to want to change for the better.

-This lesson goes back to the door analogy. You can hold the door open for someone but you cannot make them walk through it.

17. Never make empty promises you do not intend on keeping. In general, do not make empty promises to someone.

-Empty promises create a lot of pain. Try not to make promises to someone if you are not sure that you will be able to keep them.

18. Is someone talking smack about you? Here is what you do.

1. Forgive them and walk away.

OR,

2. Forgive them, stand up for yourself, and then walk away.

-It is not worth it to waste your time with people that choose to use their words as a weapon. Think about the amount of time they take out of their day to speak negatively of others.

-Do not take what they say personally. There are multiple reasons why they are talking smack about you. Most of the time it is just because they are jealous and that they are unhappy with themselves. It is not always about you.

-Forgive them and try to move on with your life. It is not worth it. You have more important things to do than listen to someone's false words about you. You know who you are. You know you are not what they say you are....(unless you are then you should make some changes....)

19. Do not make excuses for your bad behaviour and actions.

-If you know exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it then don't bother making up excuses for it. Own up to it.

-Do someone the decency of leaving the friendship/relationship if you do not want to learn and make your friendship/relationship stronger.

20. Do not make up excuses for your lack of effort towards something when you clearly have everything you need in order to achieve that goal. You are the only one standing in the way of your achievements.

-There are other people in this world that are incapable of achieving certain things in their lives because they do not have everything at their fingertips. Those of us that have a lot of opportunities should be more grateful that we can achieve what we want to achieve.

-You cannot make up excuses for your lack of success if you do not put the actual work into it. If you do not put work into achieving your goals then you simply will not achieve anything. That is not on anyone else except you. If you are handed a good opportunity, take it. If it will help you reach your goals then try it out. There is nothing wrong with trying something new.

21. You cannot use your past or parents as an excuse for why you choose to make lousy decisions.

-There comes a point in your life where you are in charge of your own decisions. You get to choose how you want to lead your life.

-There are certain things that explain your behaviour that are caused by your past but it is not okay to use it to your advantage just so you can make up excuses for every little thing you do. There comes a time when you need to be responsible for your own actions.

-You can no longer blame your parents for your decisions when they are not the ones making the decisions. You can choose to make better choices than your parents if you wanted to (unless there are specific circumstances where someone is severely traumatized or if they have certain mental conditions that do not allow them to make better choices.)

22. There is no such thing as perfection. It is okay to be imperfect. There is nothing wrong with it.

-If you would like to read more about imperfection, check out my blog post about it.

23. Do not flirt with someone that is in a relationship. No exceptions. It is not okay at all!

-It is not your place to get involved in someone else's relationship. It does not matter if they give in and flirt back. If you choose to do this then you are a cheater yourself. It shows you have no respect for yourself, no respect for the person that is involved in the relationship, and no respect for their relationship. It shows that you have no boundaries concerning other people's affairs.

-There are a lot of other single people to flirt with if you really wanted to play games. In general playing games with people is not acceptable either. My point is if you want to flirt then go flirt with the millions of other people that are in fact not in a relationship. What happened to people's manners and self-respect? It does not matter whether you are jealous or not. There is absolutely no reason good enough for you to flirt with someone else that is involved in a relationship.

-If you flirt with someone and you did not know they were in a relationship then that is a different story. If you do it on purpose then I would say you should walk away. What you give out to other people is what you will get back. If you want to be a cheater then you will get treated like a cheater. This applies to a lot of other situations in life too.

24. If you do not choose to climb up the stairs of life then you will always remain on the same step. The same level. You will never reach your true potential.

25. If you have doors open to you then go through them. Only you can go through the door. No one can make you go through them. If you do not choose to step through the door you will never get anywhere.

To be continued....