Hello’s and Goodbyes (Letter to Mom and Dad)

Today, there was a motorcycle race at Grand Bend. I had to walk away from you because you guys could not go through the gate. You didn’t want to pay the fee but I got a free pass from Werner. He receives benefits from work. I wonder if this is how it will always feel when I walk away from you. Looking back and seeing you left behind makes me sad but I’m also excited for the event I’m going to. It’s like when you dropped me off at university for my first day. A huge step I had to take alone for a while before coming home again. I’m standing on the porch of my first dorm watching you leave making sure I don’t weep. Holding back all the tears and fear because I know you are feeling the exact same way watching me from a distance and knowing you’re going to leave me behind. It’s the same as when I had my appendix removed. The nurses were trying to take me away but I held on to mom, screaming and crying saying “please don’t let me go!” I can only imagine how you felt ripping me away from your grasp because you knew that I needed that surgery even if I ended up dying anyway. Your heart must’ve been broken and filled with an increase amount of fear and worry.

Somehow we leave one another, always watching each other go when we must part ways for a short while until one day we will no longer see each other at all. At least. Not on earth. I hope that day never comes but as we all know, death is always knocking on the door. Waiting. Death is the last battle we must face on earth until we go home. Despite our struggles, I don’t think I’ll ever get over that feeling of leaving you behind or wanting you to stay with me forever, but also knowing that we can’t always stay where we are. Life keeps moving, and you’ll always be behind if you don’t keep moving either. Time waits for no one, so decide what you want to do with it while you are alive.

March 31, 2025

Our relationship is increasingly fading. The older mom and dad becomes the more they change, the more impatient they grow, the more they spend time sleeping and having no energy to do anything lively. Dad's body is breaking down, He somehow seems skinnier in his face. He is tired, old, fading away slowly while his body starts to give in to 40-50 years worth of physical labor he had to endure throughout his life. Every week he always comes home with a cut, a scrape, a scar, a bleeding thumb or finger. He works endlessly to pay the bills that life requires. My parents can't retire. We cannot afford it unless Werner and I start working in our careers. Werner is already halfway there. I am still 2 years away from a proper salary but a lot can happen in two years. Who knows how much longer my dad's body can hold up for.

Mom does not fade physically like dad is but she is fading mentally. They both are really. They forget things and repeat questions. Their memory is fading. My mom uses her brain on a daily basis at work with constant mental and emotional strain that comes from endless tasks she must complete at work. Even working on weekends because there is so much work to do. Taxes, payments, an endless amount of numbers to keep track of.

As we spend less and less time together as a family the weeks go by and slowly they are slipping from my fingers. It is not time to go yet. I do not allow it. Losing control of everything and being able to do nothing about time passing by faster and faster until no one is left.