My Struggles with My Faith

I am going to share a few of my struggles with my faith and my journey with being a struggling Christian throughout my life.

First, I want to talk about my background. I was raised in a Christian home. I believe we are the more Reformed/traditional Christians but I have never found a proper word to describe it in English. When I was younger, I always thought that there was only one type of Christian belief. I later realized how wrong I was. To put it in simpler terms, my family and I believe in the trinity: God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus, 3 in 1. We believe that Jesus was crucified and that He rose again on the third day.

Now, I want to talk about my journey and my struggles with my faith that I have had for a long time since I was young. When I was in South Africa life was easy for me. I was a happy kid. I was young so I did not understand everything that was happening in the world. I had that innocence, I was fearless and confident, and never worried about anything. Most importantly I think I had a strong relationship with God but I cannot fully recall what my spiritual life was like back then. The only things I ever thought of were when I was playing or doing something in the moment. I used to make potions all over our property. Inside the house, in the garden, and everywhere I felt potions were needed. Your average kid things.

When I moved to Canada I did not really pay attention to God or my faith as much as I should have. My family and I had a hard time adjusting to the move. Our life was not the same as it was in South Africa. We had a certain routine and we were more involved in the church. My dad was a drummer and my mother would help out with the sound booth. Our life changed a lot when we moved.

My journey with my faith has been up and down for years. There are times when I invest myself in God and then there were periods of time when I did not spend any time with Him. Just like anyone else, I sometimes wonder if God is real or not. Sometimes I have doubts and I question a lot of things to do with God and faith in general. I question my purpose in life and several other questions revolving around life. I want to increase my faith and I want to have that strong connection as other people do. I do not always know how to get that connection because I do not feel that connection often. It could be because I do not invest enough of my time in God but I am unsure as to why I do not have the same connection as some people do.

In middle school and high school, I did not talk a lot about my faith. I did not talk about what I believed in because Christianity was consistently mocked in my school. I attended public schools because my parents could not afford Christian schools. I have gotten bullied for my beliefs when I was younger. Even now there is still a large amount of backlash against it. No one is open to hearing about it. People have closed themselves off to things like religion or believing that God is real. It's another one of those controversial topics people are too afraid to talk about. Even if it is not fear that causes them not to talk about it, people are still close-minded about the idea that God exists. It is completely understandable though. Believing in something you cannot necessarily see is not always as easy to understand or believe. It is like when the sun sets and rises again. You do not see the sun after it sets but you believe that it will come up the next day. You cannot see the planets directly from earth but you believe that they are there. I know this is a somewhat inaccurate example but my point is that it is hard. Now, let me be clear by saying that, that being said, it does not mean that God is not real if you cannot see him. There are a lot of other things that are real that you cannot see with your eyes. You cannot see anyone's thoughts, dreams, or feelings. You cannot see the internal parts of you but they are there.

As I moved past middle school and high school I started to talk more about my faith. I started to openly admit that I am a Christian and I began to feel more comfortable talking about God with other people that were willing to listen or hear me out. I have mentioned that I am a Christian in middle school and high school but I was not as open about it as I am now. I decided that I do not care if people do not agree with me. I decided that I should start talking about it openly. I have even come to the point where I will tell someone they are wrong if they make an assumption about what God wants or what he does/say. By this, I mean that I will direct someone that does not fully understand the faith or religion. I will share what I know and what my parents taught me.

I continue to struggle every day with my faith but I want to increase the strength of my relationship with God and get to that deep level of closeness. There was a post that I saw once and the person said something like, "I'd rather find out I was right than find out I was wrong when it is too late." The person that said this was meaning that if God is real then he would rather find out he was right for believing in God rather than finding out he was wrong and realize it was too late. I understand that this sounds gloomy and depressing but I would rather find out I was right than find out I was wrong. There is nothing I fear greater than death. That and being alone forever. Death scares me immensely. I try not to think about it because when I do I find myself in a panic mode. I cry and freak out inside. It scares me because it is the one thing that you fully cannot know the answer to. It makes you think about what happens when you die. I do not want to get into the deep details of these thoughts because they can tend to get really heavy. I can write a lot about my thoughts surrounding death.

Moving on, I do truly believe that God is real because there have been a lot of moments in my life that have shown me He really is there. There have been a couple of times in my life when I was close to death but I am still here. I do not think that it is a coincidence. There have been a lot of people that entered my life and I believe it was for a reason. People hurt me but they also make me stronger and through other broken people I learn a lot. I learn how grateful I am for the life that I have. The family that I have. I am truly blessed with a good family and many other things in my life. Yes, life sucks sometimes. Yes, it is hard to live in this crazy world but I believe there is a reason. I think that there is a reason for everything that happens in life. Whether that is good or bad. There is always something to learn from a bad situation. There is always a solution even if it does not always seem that way. However, I cannot say the same when it is time for someone to leave life on earth. There is no solution for death.

Some final thoughts and motivation I want to share with you all, do not give up fighting through life's hardships. It will be worth it in the end. You are so lucky to be alive on earth. I know that no one lives the same life. I know that everyone views life in different ways. I know that there are people living extremely difficult lives but I also know that being alive is a gift. Growing old is a gift. Having a life on this earth is a gift. Do not ever give up fighting against life's hardships. Take a new perspective. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Think before you speak. Do something kind for someone else. A small gesture can go a long way. You do not need money to make someone's day. Do not torture yourself if you are in a tough spot. Think about what you can accomplish. Do not dwell on the past and do not worry too much about the future. It is okay to worry about the future but take your accomplishments a step at a time. There is an unlimited amount of advice I could share. There is an unlimited amount of thoughts I could write about. If you would like to read more about life advice and life lessons feel free to check out my blog post here.